


don't wanna roll with it

by oh_la_fraise



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-15 22:10:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21025526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_la_fraise/pseuds/oh_la_fraise
Summary: Ted was, technically, doing David a favor.  The first Christmas post-you lost all your money, David was realizing seasonal Lush bath bombs did not come cheap.  The Blouse Barn had shut down months ago, and the money David had made from the settlement had gone into the family car and the General Store that David was somehow now leasing. David couldn’t do anything until the paperwork cleared and the previous tenants finished moving out. So when Alexis had casually mentioned her ex-boyfriend-ex-fiance-ex-boss was hiring, David had sighed and taken stock of which sweater he could afford to lose to flour.





	don't wanna roll with it

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [red_crate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_crate/pseuds/red_crate) in the [SCFrozenOver](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCFrozenOver) collection. 

> Written for this prompt! Title is from Bad Idea by Ariana, which I originally I picked because it was playing as I was about to post this, but it seems like a good sign that the line I picked up ended up being a fic pun.**Prompt:**
> 
> Ted ropes a reluctant David into helping him bake enough cookies for all of his various friend, work, and volunteer groups. David actually ends up enjoying it and they bond a little.

“It’s just—this apron is _yellow—”_

Alexis was rotating both of her wrists, which meant she was about ten minutes from a Tom Cruise on the couch type rant.“David, Ted is doing you a huge favor.”

Ted was, technically, doing David a favor.The first Christmas post-_you lost all your money, _David was realizing seasonal Lush bath bombs did not come cheap.The Blouse Barn had shut down months ago, and the money David had made from the settlement had gone into the family car and the General Store that David was somehow now leasing. David couldn’t do anything until the paperwork cleared and the previous tenants finished moving out. So when Alexis had casually mentioned her ex-boyfriend-ex-fiance-ex-boss was hiring, David had sighed and taken stock of which sweater he could afford to lose to flour.

The fact that the bakery was named Patedsserie made David want to kill someone, but he had to admit, Ted wasn't a bad baker.He could whip out soft looking cookies with ease, and his cupcakes were as good as anything David had in New York.David would take this secret to his grave, but he might actually murder someone for Ted’s chocolate silk pie.

“I almost thought about going to vet school,” Ted said one day, carefully decorating a row of shortbread.“But it was expensive, and I already had a lot of followers from my Mom’s book club, so the _Patedsserie_ was born.”

Puns aside, working with Ted was. . .not as bad as David expected.He supposed Ted had been conditioned by working with Alexis; David may not have been any more punctual than she was, but at least he actually worked when he eventually showed up.And Ted was so unflinchingly nice, it was impossible, despite David's best efforts, not to like him.He regularly took the unsold cookies and cakes to the local soup kitchen, and he was always baking sugar free treats for the diabetics at the nursing home he volunteered at.David could understand why Alexis was still pining over him.

There also was an unexpected perk of working with Ted.Besides access to all the free baked goods he could eat (which maybe wasn’t such a perk; Ted wasn’t supplying healthcare, after all), in between the comings and goings of Roland’s double chocolate fudge and Bob’s oatmeal raisin cookies was the guy David had deemed, for lack of a better term, butterscotch pudding guy.

_Butterscotch pudding guy _came in every day.He seemed like a dependable person like that: button up shirts, close haircut, bland jeans, horrible taste in baked goods.But there was something about him that made David feel a little bouncy, and David had almost entirely convinced himself it wasn’t from the sugar. 

_Butterscotch pudding guy _came in for his usual order as always one day, but threw in a twist.“Oh, and throw in a chocolate cupcake?My boss likes them.” 

“Oh, you work in town?” David asked, trying not to fish too obviously. 

BPG nodded.“Yeah, for Ray Butani?I’m renting his upstairs room and doing the books for his business.”David didn’t get a chance to talk with BPG after that, the bakery suddenly overrun with customers, but he smiled at David as he left, and David tried his best not to blush like a Victorian heroine.

“I think he likes you,” Ted said, elbowing David as they were closing.Ted managed to get flour on his Balenciaga, but David was too happy to care.God, he needed to get laid, before he turned into Bella Swan and started fainting at brushing of hands.

“He’s living with Ray,” David said.“I think he likes trying to kill himself via sugar coma.”

Ted hummed a little too knowingly, and David, desperate to change the subject, blurted, “so any romance in the world of Ted Mullens?”

Ted looked down, and David wanted to slap himself, because he knew that Alexis wasn’t coming in so often to talk to _David._And Ted had just broken up with Heather; “just wasn’t working,” Ted had said sheepishly, but David was no stranger to pining. 

“You know,” David said slowly, despite that every cell was telling him not to get involved in his sister’s love life.He kept going; if he’d negotiated down that hostage taker in Strasbourg for her, this should be nothing.“Alexis has really grown since we came to Schitt's Creek.I think she’s really begun to appreciate the important things, and people, in life.”

Ted nodded, looking down.“Thanks, David.I will, uh, I’ll take that into consideration.”He fiddled with the cash, and David focused on boxing the day’s leftovers, happy to give Ted a moment.

“Oh, Merry Christmas!” Ted said, brighter, and handed over a box.It was a chocolate silk pie. “That’s your favorite, right?”

David nodded, thinking of the only acknowledgement he’d gotten when he’d returned from the Amish farm.“I hope whatever you choose, Ted, you end up happy.You deserve it.”

“Thanks, David,” Ted said, and David was glad, despite Ted’s horrible yellow color scheme, that he had taken this job.He was pretty sure he’d almost convinced Ted to switch to a nice crimson, anyway. 

(_Later that week). _

“It’s just very rude and predatory to ask out service people while they’re at work—”_Butterscotch pudding guy _was saying, looking increasingly flustered.“So I don’t want you to feel at all obligated—“

“Hmm, but after the holiday rush,” David said, interrupting and putting BPG out of his misery. “I won’t actually work for Ted anymore.”

BPG smiled.“So, uh, you would like to go to dinner?”

“Well, there are two things making me hesitate: your horrible taste in sweets and the fact that you’ve never actually told me your name.”

“My name is Patrick.And I actually hate butterscotch,” BPG—_Patrick—_confessed. “It was just the cheapest thing on the menu.”

“Oh thank God," David said, and leaned in and kissed him.


End file.
